Can Oppo Come Up With Some Outlandish Tests For This Car?

"Satish Kondapavulur" (becauseCAR)
03/07/2014 at 20:20 • Filed to: None

It's an MKZ Hybrid, by the way, so anything involving "performance" is off the table.

DISCUSSION (27)

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:24

Hybrids can usually chirp off the line, so maybe turning of TC and flooring it. Worked at a dealership and Toyota Camry Hybrids would spin the tires.

N/A POWAAAHH > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:26

See how many people you can blind with that huge grille.

Or take it to an Aston dealer and see if they'll service it.

dogisbadob > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:26

off-road ability? :p

PS9 > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:29

Kinja'd!!!

1) Get on your local freeway

2) See how many takedowns you can score before the car is totally disabled.

3) Score the car accordingly.

This will be of course your last review, since you'll be facing a lengthy jail sentence and won't be trusted to drive a go kart after this stunt, assuming you survive at all. But on the up side, you'll be nationally famous as 'burnout man'. You will also have taken another hybrid off the road, which is always a plus.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2
03/07/2014 at 20:30

Not that you tested it or anything, right?

Satish Kondapavulur > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2
03/07/2014 at 20:33

It doesn't spin the tires. Trust me.

Satish Kondapavulur > N/A POWAAAHH
03/07/2014 at 20:34

That grille isn't is big as you might expect. I'm amazed how normal it looks when you stare directly at it.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
03/07/2014 at 20:35

I did. Hold the break a bit while pressing the go (slowly) pedal. Release, and viola!

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:36

Lowest MPG you can get over a tank.

Go to a BMWCCA meet and troll the shit out of them

Plastidip it some crazy color and take it to the drag strip

Rallycross

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:39

Drive it to a theater and see how long it takes for it to be shot.

Satish Kondapavulur > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/07/2014 at 20:40

Thankfully it doesn't have that humongous sunroof.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:41

Drag race a Prius.

Satish Kondapavulur > IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK
03/07/2014 at 20:42

1. Got 60.8 MPG on the way to the dentist so far.

2. Fun, but they probably know about the E39 in the background.

3. The white color is beautiful. The acceleration is nothing to write home about.

4. It says I can't do that in the waiver. :(

Satish Kondapavulur > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/07/2014 at 20:43

That's not actually difficult in my neighborhood.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:47

Get a GoPro and film the slowest drag race...................... in the world .

PatBateman > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:47

The following tests may or may not be legal, and may or may not be suggested:

-Distance you can get to a blind person in all-electric mode before they notice you (measured in inches). Bonus points for nudging them.

-Length of feet you can lay rubber down on a parking lot's asphalt from kicking the rear end out.

-Best MPG while averaging 90 MPH over a 60 mile distance.

-Amount of individuals you can convince that the car goes 0-60 in under 4.

Satish Kondapavulur > PatBateman
03/07/2014 at 20:50

- Electric motor actually makes a quite noticeable whirring noise, so they can tell.

- Unfortunately, this car can really grip thanks to the tires. Don't think traction control is defeatable though.

- This car doesn't like anything above 70 mph.

- That one is definitely possible. And could be in the double digits...

PatBateman > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 20:54

I never said the tests were going to be easy.

Now nuzzle your bumper against that blind guy.

cbell04 > Satish Kondapavulur
03/07/2014 at 21:03

Using the vehicles 110v ac outlet set up a mobile office (desktop PC, monitor, fax machine, lamp) and see how long you can work from the car without killing the batteries.

therevengeofthesaab (really likes pre-2005 hondas right now) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/07/2014 at 21:40

Mobility Scooter VS Prius VS MKZ Hybird

Winner : Mobility Scooter

Old-Busted-Hotness > Satish Kondapavulur
03/08/2014 at 06:31

Will It Senior?

Find an old person and see if they can figure out how to operate it. Where's the key? This thing? Where do you stick it in the dashboard? What's this TV doing here in the dashboard, is that a compass? Can I watch Matlock?

As long as said senior drives something made before about 2005, there should be plenty of confusion.

As a near-senior myself, I endorse this test.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Satish Kondapavulur
03/08/2014 at 23:27

Have sex in it. Test the 30 dead hooker trunk to see how much you can cram into it.

Satish Kondapavulur > In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you
03/09/2014 at 15:53

The trunk is quite small actually!

cdakost > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2
03/11/2014 at 16:21

My mom has a 2009 Camry V6 that I turned off traction control on and laid down an eleven across my entire high school parking lot my senior year.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > cdakost
03/11/2014 at 17:12

School hooning (safely) is the best. Especially after you graduate.

cdakost > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2
03/11/2014 at 17:35

I think it was a Saturday so the lot was empty.

Adrian Ma > Satish Kondapavulur
05/11/2016 at 08:00

Try and rehearse a dramatic, personally-insightful monologue, then record yourself reciting it whilst driving. And don’t forget to have the camera zoom into your eyes dramatically.

In other words, be Matthew Mcconaughey.